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Conversation Topics
Chinese Proverb Unlike western custom, business is not discussed during the meal. This is the time to create social, not business connections. Although considered a little too personal in the west, Chinese will often ask questions concerning your age, income, and marital status. If you do not want to reveal this information, remain polite and give an unspecific answer. Remember that negative replies are considered impolite. Do not express irritation with the questioner, since this will cause him or her loss of face. In older Chinese culture, the equivalent to asking “How are you?" is, “Have you eaten?" This harkens back to agrarian times when floods and droughts often brought famines. This is a formality and does not require you to recount your lunch menu. Simply answer, "Yes", even if you have not actually eaten. Make an effort to learn and use at least a few words in Mandarin. Chinese are especially appreciative towards foreigners speaking their language, and this will go long way towards establishing mutual trust. Do not be surprised or worried if there are periods of silence during your business or dinner conversations. It is a sign of politeness and of thought. Do not be quick to fill the silence with words, as it will make you appear impatient and immature. Also, be careful not to interrupt during a conversation. Chinese tend to evaluate a person in accordance with that person’s relationship within a family, so talking about your and your host ’s families is a welcome topic of conversation. "Small talk" is especially important at the beginning of a meeting. The following are some traditional topics you can safely discuss. Welcome Topics: Chinese
scenery, landmarks Topics to
Avoid: Finally, beware of praising the Japanese to be seen to be good friends with them. Nor should you praise Shanghai in front of natives of Beijing or Hong Kong, and vice versa. Avoid the temptation to tell jokes. The Chinese sense of humor is quiet a bit different from the west, and most jokes do not translate well into Chinese. The best that can happen is you will have to explain the joke and then you will make everyone lose face because they did not understand and laugh at your attempt at humor. Unlike the Western custom, compliments are not graciously accepted with a "thank you," but rather with a self-depreciating "not at all” or “it was nothing." Do not be overly flattering. Chinese look upon giving and accepting direct praise as being smarmy and in poor taste. Curious Fact: Finger TappingWhen someone is pouring tea, you will often see the recipient tap the table with three fingers three times. This is a polite form of saying thank you and has its origin in an incident from Chinese history. Legend says that during the Qing Dynastyan emperor wanted to see how the common people really lived and decided to inspect his lands by going incognito and pretending to be an ordinary traveler. While visiting South China, he once went into a teahouse with his companions and in order not to arouse suspicion to his special status, took his turn pouring tea for his courtiers. His shocked companions wanted to kowtow (ritual bow) to him for the great honor he was doing them, but this would reveal his identity. Therefore, the emperor told them to discretely tap three fingers on the table. One finger represented the bowed head and the other two the prostrate arms. This is the origin for the custom of discreetly ‘tapping-your-thanks’ whenever someone pours you a cup of tea. Likewise, when offering a match or light for someone’s cigarette they may tap the back of your wrist also signifying thanks. True Stories: Snake OilOn my first
trip to China with a delegation of publishers
and other book types, we visited a traditional Chinese medicine factory, where
the local boss gave us an introduction into the wonders of Chinese medicine,
with some extravagant claims about its efficacy. One crusty old man in our group
listened, and then said in a rather gruff voice that he thought, "it was all
just a bunch of snake oil!"
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